Hurtful Truths
by Aerilon452
Summary: set back in Victorian London. Helen is with John years after he has turned into the Ripper and a few years after the Five are sent to dispatch Adam.


Summary: set back in Victorian London. Helen is with John years after he has turned into the Ripper and a few years after the Five are sent to dispatch Adam.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Sanctuary

Rating: T+

Pairing: Helen and John. Slight Helen and James.

** HURTFUL TRUTHS:**

His tongue licked up her spine, then turned to teeth and lips, slowly, sensually devouring her. Helen sat between John's bent legs with her knees draw up to her chest, arms locked, her head resting on her knees as her hair fell around her like a curtain. She and John had just been together like a raging pyre of need and desire. All Helen could think of was how this would hurt James. Since the incident with Adam, James had been staying with her, helping her in her work, and for public appearances gave off the air that they were together. It was one of the many ways to heal from the pain of seeing John once again. This time hadn't been like all the others; this time had been rough, violent, and Helen had wanted it. She made herself feel sick at the mere thought of wanting John again, but he was in her blood, her soul. He was the reason she burned at night from unrequited desire.

John leaned back against the head board marveling at the way her skin glowed in the low lamp light of his bedroom. Tonight had been a complete shock to him. Never would he have thought that Helen would show up like she had the past month. She had taken possession of his body again; she hungered for him. In truth John had never stopped hungering for her, for her lip, her skin, and her body. But that was denied to him, except the last month. Something had changed in her. "You want another go?" John asked idly toying with a lock of her hair.

"I want to be sick because of you," Helen didn't dare turn to him. Just one look and she would be consumed by his beauty, his dark nature that called to her. She wanted to run from it, from him. Ever since that day, since shooting Adam, she had been haunted by dark thoughts, dark impulses that urged her to seek John out. Until recently she had resisted. It wasn't until she caught a glimpse of him that she relented.

"Darling, such wonderful things you say to me," John splayed his right hand over his heart acting offended. Except, he wasn't really. He knew what this was doing to Helen, what it meant for her to be here.

"You make skin crawl," Once again she tried to get off the bed, to pick up her clothes, get dressed and flee back to her Sanctuary, but John's presence held her firm.

"That's not all I could do with your skin." John whispered raking his teeth over Helen's shoulder. She shuddered with pleasure in spite of her words of disgust. He chuckled when she leaned foreword more. John stretched, arching his back and continued, "Honestly, I don't see why you are so hung up on the conventional morality of it all. It's not like what we did was a sin." He ran his hand through his hair, combing it out of his face.

"You're a sin, a murderer…" Helen accused.

"Same old song and dance, darling. Please do come up with a different tune." John laced his fingers together putting his hands behind his head.

Helen gathered the sheet around her form scrambling off the bed, "I have to go."

"Go where? Running back to James?" John sniped pulling the second sheet over his lap. "If you were truly getting what you needed from James, then you would not be here with the likes of me."

"James is a good man." Helen defended. It was all she had. There was nothing more than hand holding with James. Helen couldn't bring herself to finally betray John in that way. Her heart, her body, would always belong to him. It was why she was there with John.

"Then why are you here with me? If he was such a good man then it would not be my bed you come to." John sat up and out stretched his right arm seeing all the scratches. "You always liked teeth and nails before, but you never used to drink my blood after you've shed it. It's my blood you're truly after isn't it?" Now all the times she shed his blood, drank it, fled, and came back a few days later made sense.

"No," Helen barely gave voice to the word because she knew it to be true. After the source blood injection she and John had made love, mated their souls together. It was his blood, his body she craved like no other.

John came off the bed and wrapped his arms fiercely around Helen. She jumped in his arms, but it wasn't fear or shame; it was the beginnings of lust, the boiling pulse of dark desire. "You feel it just as I do." John accused. "My blood is all you crave; it soothes the darkness in you. Nigel robs banks; that's his evil. Tesla is a vampire who shocks himself for fun, Watson catches killers, and I murder." He turned her to face him, "What darkness calls you?"

"I hate you." Helen bit out. She wanted to push him away but she couldn't.

"You hate me because you fear you will be me!" John shouted. He shook his head letting go of her. Settling back down on the bed John turned his head to the wall and muttered. "I'm done playing. Leave if you want."

Helen felt cold, desolate. She dropped to the floor, to her knees, trying to catch her breath. Everything John had said to her were her worst fears brought to light. The only one of the five other than herself, James Watson, put his keen and penetrating mind towards catching killers, solving crimes. What did she do? She worked in the dead of night with the abominations of society. Abnormals. That was the world she was born into, the world she had found John in. the world she existed in now and it was what drove her to come to him like this. She feared becoming him. Adam was the starting point. "I'm not you."

John looked at her then quivering on the floor and the small part of him that remembered kindness slipped from the bed again and went to her. He pulled her into his arms and whispered, "No, you're not me. I'm a complete bastard. You would at least your knowledge to help people." John ran his right hand up and down her back trying to offer her some semblance of comfort like he used to.

**HOURS LATER:**

Helen had left John while he had been sleeping. She hadn't wanted to face the truths he had been speaking so she sought to distract him in the only way she knew how. She used her desire, his want of her body, against him. Seducing him Helen wore John out to the point he fell into an exhausted sleep. Then, at least she was free to leave. Helen was halfway over the bridge when she saw James coming towards her. Like all the other times, guilt welled up inside of her upon seeing him again.

"Helen," James plastered a smile to his face even though he knew where she had just come from. "There you are. I was worried. You said you would be only an hour and that was five hours ago."

"I know and I'm sorry. It was just so lovely out I wanted to walk. I needed time to think." Helen lied easily. She tried to ignore the flutter of her heart or the way her legs felt unsteady at the mere thought of everything she and John had done in one five hour span. Honestly, she hadn't thought it was that long.

"Thinking about what?" James offered Helen his arm and she took it. As she stepped with him James could scent the subtleness of John all over her. She had been with him all this time.

'About how I can't stay away from John.' Helen thought. "I was thinking about expanding the network." Again she partially lied. Expansion was her father's plans, but now she had the means to implement it. Only, if she wiled away all of her time with John then she would never get anything accomplished.

"Ah, I see," James came to a stop. "Helen, I want to say something…."

"James…"

"No, please." James turned from her and began to speak. "I know you've been going to see John. I just want you to know that I trust your judgment and I trust that you wouldn't be going to him unless you had to."

Helen felt her heart sink, "James… I haven't…"

He turned to her again, "Helen I know."

It was Helen's turn to face away from James. "The only reason I go to him is because of his blood. I need it to stave off my own madness." It was a confession she had been wanting to give, but never knowing how.

"The night of the experiment?" James questioned.

"Yes, he fed from me and I fed from him." Helen gripped the granite railing of the bridge and stared out across the dark water. She felt so different than when she had been at oxford. She felt darker, more of a creature of the night, to borrow a vampire euphemism. The only time she felt the cold grip of sanity was at the taste of John's blood, at the feel of his skin on hers.

"For five years you've been sane…" James thought back over all the times Helen seemed to be on edge and then the next day she would show up better than ever.

"No, I haven't." Helen faced James. "John always knows when the madness is worse. He comes to me or I go to him. I can't stop James..." Helen couldn't continue. She lowered her gaze just before she felt James's arms surround her.

"It's ok Helen." He repeated over and over. The Five all had a darkness to contend with. It was the nature of the blood they took. James found his outlet in solving cases, bringing to justice those who deserved it. John had turned to murder. Nigel robbed banks. And Tesla played with electricity. But Helen, she had no outlet save for John and the power of his blood to soothe her. It was sin she would carry for the rest of her life.


End file.
